Thursday, 21 October 2010

Soft animals

Wishcasting Wednesday:
What does the soft animal of your body wish for?
“Sometimes we really do need to protect our tender desires. It can be tough out there and they may not be ready to brave the cold. But sometimes we can turn the light of that desire down so much that we forget it’s there. This is a tragedy. We lose our loves. We lose ourselves. We get lost and forget who we are. And the world loses our unique compilations of loves: the gorgeousness of country music, wisteria and sushi; the delight of minimalism, Doc Marten’s and Shakespeare. Our wildly unique loves are where our authenticity lives.”
The vibrant mixure of the above compilation spoke to my heart, in fact it bought tears to me eyes. I am going through such a phase of transition, rediscovering my older passions, discovering a multitude of new ones,  and realising that I am allowed to love what is close to my heart and that indeed it doesn’t at all matter to me what people think of me anymore. I used to be so frightened of people’s negative comments, their opinions I valued much higher than my own. I lived to please others, to fit in, to feel ‘normal’. What normal was, I haven’t a clue, but it was soul destroying not to feel part of that popular crowd, forever feeling I had to change or work harder to resemble the popular people in my little corner of the world. This theme tune followed me through childhood, adolescence and deeply into adulthood. The thing is that now the rebel in me is beginning to find her voice, finding her feet. She is allowing herself to love the juxtaposition of Doc Martens and Shakespeare. So here I am...
I am hands covered in paint and an organisation addict.
I follow cosy murder mysteries and  drink in the Bronte sisters avidly.
I support myself in cosy walking attire and love  rich, magical, tie died purpleness.
I am a Leo in the limelight and crave solitude.
I lose myself in soft Celtic melodies and dance to the energy of rock.
I am a thirsty learner and deeply need stillness.
I am pretty flowered shoes and furry slippers.
I am me. 
This is who I wish to be.
The title of this wishcasting question is taken of the Mary Oliver poem Wild Geese
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” 
The soft animal of my body is now off to the blessed sanctuary of a bookshop, tingling senses whispering that Oliver is a kindred spirit.

Friday, 15 October 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to fly free from?

Sometimes I really would like to be that ostrich in the sand, just for a little while, to have the time to rest, the time to digest, the time to hibernate and feel cocooned. At the moment my main wish therefore, is to fly away from that constant ticking of the clock, from the hands of time. These last few weeks have been frantic in terms of attempting to fit in everything I am supposed to do, want to do, dream of doing. It has been said many a time but I feel like there are not enough hours of the day. I would like to free myself from the busyness of my life currently, as I am not able to live mindfully when I am multitasking, juggling so many balls that I don’t even know what colour they are anymore. I wish to simplify my life down to its essence,  in order to find some much needed clarity and to enjoy the present instead of rushing like the  White Rabbit in Wonderland.
The last three days I have been forced to slow down, to come to a stop even, due to an inflammation of my lower back muscles and the experience has been most eye opening. I have not been able to rush, there hasn't been a point to constantly looking at the time to see if I might catch up with myself. In fact, I’ve taken the time to listen carefully to all those stories I tell myself along the lines of ‘I must do this, I must do that’. I cannot believe how often I tell myself what I should be doing even in the space of just one hour! So, I have stopped and rested my back and  the cats have loved me for it, for they truly appreciate their humans escaping from the demands of time; what wise souls they are. I’ve not even put on my wrist watch, settling to the patterns my body telling me what it needs to heal. I’ve actually managed to  sleep a little, which has made me realise how sleep deprived I am, because I spend so much time cramming in even more jobs, more ideas, more worries. It is amazing what your body wants to tell if only you give it the time to listen.
Now, I realise that the quiet period of the last few days cannot be forever, as my back slowly returns to normal( fingers crossed), but I still wish to retain that slower pace, that ability to do one thing at a time and to listen to myself when everything is too much for me. I know this will need a lot of perseverance and many small steps in the right direction.  Maybe I will start by not putting my watch on for the rest of the week...

Friday, 8 October 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday: Where do you wish to grow your confidence?

Wishcasting Wednesday: Where do you wish to grow your confidence? 

“Do the thing that scares you the most. 
By doing it, you’ll give birth to your life’s promise 
and unearth your buried dreams.”

Confidence is something that I am greatly lacking at the moment, so a dash of it in any aspect of my life would be very much appreciated dear universe! I am feeling very much like the Cowardly Lion at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz, who feels he cannot live up to his expectations of being the  king of the beasts. He worries and worries and worries some more, he lets the fear take over. For me confidence is very much linked to courage so I wish for myself to have a little courage, a little faith in myself.
I wish to grow in confidence in my creative abilities. I accept that I am on an amazing learning journey and that it will take time to find my voice. However I wish to mindfully celebrate my daily creations, instead of always wanting perfection, of always wanting to move on.
In connection with this I wish to have the courage to stop comparing myself to others, to have the strength to cherish the awe inspiring friends and mentors I am fortunate enough to have, instead of telling myself those negative stories of how I will never be as amazing as they are. If only I could see the magic in myself as easily as I see it in others!
Lastly I wish to grow in confidence in my quest to dream big. I chose DREAM BIG as my theme for this year; it has woven in and out of each season, sometimes passionately strong, sometimes whispering when I succumb to every day life, with its promise of safety and control. My greatest challenge so far this year is starting on Monday, when the Alchemy writing course begins. Writing is my my biggest dream of all, the one I also have the least confidence in. I wish to let my words sparkle, to love the words that are part of being me...

Sunday, 3 October 2010

A late Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish to step into?

I wish to tread bravely along stepping stones,
Out of the storm clouds into the rainbow.
This week has been a challenge (understatement!). My local government has decided to implement significant wage cuts for teaching assistants, leaving us with feelings of deep insecurity, overwhelming worries about our futures and also resentment in our hearts at this clear display of undervaluing the education and care we provide for children. As a result of this, the need I have  to follow my dreams of a creative business is burning more fiercely than ever before. For some time I have toyed with the idea of producing greetings cards from the photographs I so passionately take and maybe eventually from the artwork I create, therefore now could be the moment to dream big and step into the bigger picture, reaching for those possibilites...