Telling Stories

I had forgotten how much fun it is to tell stories, to read them aloud, creating voices. Of course I am an avid reader, always surrounded by stories of one kind or another, yet it is the power of the words being released into the air, be it to share them with children or to just to share with myself, that creates the sparkling kind of magic.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am currently reading the glorious Women Who Run with Wolves. Yesterday it was the turn of the story of Vasilisa the Wise, who embarks on the intense journey of claiming her intuitive powers aided by listening to the intuition present in a tiny doll passed on by the previous female generation. 

I could write a whole new post on the lessons that this story contained, and perhaps I will next time. I don’t know what possessed me but I decided to read the story out loud to myself, and it was as if the connection with the tale grew and grew. It became personal. Maybe it took me back to those treasured childhood times when my grandmother would spend hours telling me stories of her past or reading the most beautiful books out loud to me whilst I fell asleep. That need to hear stories has stayed with me ever since. Something is released when I read stories out loud myself - and it has to be a myth, or an age old story, or even a fairy tale ( of the not too sugary kind),  for then the best magic happens as well as such deep lessons appearing in the air. Pinkola Estes, the author of the book, speaks of story connecting you to that  wild woman essence present in us, surrounding us. This I understand with all my being. 

Such stories have been weaving themselves into my life recently.  Do take a look at the sacred feminine stories of Creating Wings, I am so excited by her project. Jen Lee’s Fortunes is another collection that must be read aloud for the beauty and the soul of the words to wash over you with depth and nourishment and thought. It is the kind of collection that wraps itself around your heart (thank you Lis of Dandelion Seeds and Dreams for such an amazing gift). The life lesson stories  of Patti Digh's  Life is a Verb are also full to the brim of inspiration. Her life stories just have to be read out loud, each paragraph full of words so alive, showing that our stories can carry much light even when life is bleak.  I believe that as well as vital lessons to be learned there is magic and connection and hope in telling our stories.

At school I am currently teaching a narrative project, working with a group of year 2 children, who struggle to tell their own stories, to order their thoughts and to write their own tales. Through a series of physical footprint shapes with prompts written upon them to stand on, these children are learning to talk, to sequence and explore their ideas. By looking at age old stories, retelling those stories themselves, listening to me telling them, their imagination is on fire. That is the power of story, it makes us alive.

I wrote a poem a while ago with the line:

“I am a collector of stories.”

Now I want to be a storyteller too.

Sweeping away the cobwebs

I’ve had a couple of weeks where the stress monsters have been circling, threatening to take charge and make me feel totally rubbish about myself.  You know the kind of thing, comparing my work skills, my social skills, my artwork, my home life, all to others much greater than I, wondering how on earth they manage so well and with such sparkle. That then leads onto ‘Is anything I do actually good enough?’, which is  snugly followed by ‘Is it worth trying in the first place?’. Whilst I accept that life is one grand old rollercoaster I came to the point at the weekend when I felt enough was enough. Time to stop the unnecessary worrying and stressing, to stop allowing my mind being taken over day and night. Also no more overanalysing until the cows come home ( I am extremely good at that one). Instead of this:  time to mindfully go with the flow and trust that what will be will be. The crunch which made me realise how bad I was feeling was  that even my creativity was becoming another path I didn’t feel I was fulfilling, I mean what is that about? Surely making my art is where the value lies, engaging with my creative soul for the sheer love of it. Not because I have committed myself to a multitude daunting projects; some begun, some waiting impatiently on my desk, some neglected for some time and that feeling that I should be completing them all perfectly piece after piece, all in a neat order and according to a controlled schedule. And so I gave myself a stern talking to along the lines of:

Dear Milena,

It is exciting that there is so much to explore. You are so lucky to  be on such an amazing creative adventure. You fought so hard to reclaim that creative goddess inside, don’t you dare silence her again. DO what you love and LOVE what you do. Simply be happy.

Love Me.

I also needed to grab a bit of that thing they call perspective, because actually my needs are a walk in the park compared with the destruction and sadness that are raging the globe currently. I have been humbled in many ways this week: by a friend whose family is facing the nightmares in Libya, by the horrendous tsunami in Japan causing such devastation beyond what my mind could possibly comprehend, and by a programme by the BBC for the powerful Comic Relief Appeal documenting the absolute poverty and awe inspiring resilience of the people living in a Kiberan slum in Africa. I will certainly be donating. Time to see the bigger picture, to be a little more thankful for the goodness in my own life and to think of ways I can offer support to others in these awful times of need.

And you know what, it is hard work actively going against the natural grain of worry, and I have been chanting my ‘go with the flow’ mantra over and over again. It is working though, I am seeing the signs like a faint rainbow beckoning. For example, having just begun reading the definitive ‘Women Who Run With Wolves’ by Clarissa Pinkola Estes I came across this passage, which describes so passionately the solid foundations I wish for women everywhere and reminding me  of my chosen word  for 2011, Connection:

“...to establish territory, to find one’s pack, to be in one’s body with certainty and pride regardless of the body’s gifts and limitations, to speak and act on one’s behalf, to be aware, alert, to draw on the innate feminine powers of intuition and sensing, to come into one’s cycles, to find what one belongs to, to rise with dignity, to retain as much consciousness as possible.”

Tingling Fingers

Spring is establishing itself in her delicate  details, and I am amazed yet again how nature manages to come through harsh winter time and time again, so beautifully, with such vigour and hope. I love the way my attention is drawn to the smallest bud, the slightest hint of colour holding a wealth of promise. With all my senses I realise that I too am waking up again, stretching, breathing more deeply ( she types smiling). 

With sheer glee I opened my gardening magazine this morning and lost myself in the magic. Making wish lists, creating dream designs; a really happy moment to treasure.

My fingers are itching to get started, ready to take such pleasure in the preparation of my garden after its long winter sleep. To be honest I cannot believe exactly how much meaning that little piece of land holds for me, it is  fundamental nourishment for my body and soul, it is  sanctuary, and I am immensely grateful to the great Goddess out there for making this heart of mine sing.

Inner Child

Isn’t it funny how the important lessons in life often happen when you are in most need of them?

This week I spent a lovely afternoon babysitting my two gorgeous nieces, Summer and Casey, and in the process had one of those epiphany moments, the simple kind when you think to yourself, "Why did I not realise this before?" or "When did I forget that?” As I set out for my afternoon I have to admit I was a little worried about my auntie babysitting duties, as I do not consider myself to be good at looking after mini people ( Casey is ten months and Summer has just turned three). Whilst I happily support any school age child to achieve their goals and  am even relatively confident teaching a whole class of pre hormonal ten and eleven year olds,  the idea of having responsibility for such little people quite honestly takes me way out of my comfort zone! But you know what, we had a great time, and we had a great time because I decided to just get on with having fun instead of letting all those negative stories win. We played and played and played some more. In the process that inner child came out and had a fabulous time putting on voices for Summer’s animals, making cuddly toys dance and watching the fabulous Scooby Doo. 

I felt liberated and I am convinced the girls felt that too; the best things happen when you stop trying so hard and love the moment you are in! Lovely Lis of Dandelion Seeds and Dreams has created the term 'Joy warrior' for actively reclaiming the joy in your life, she writes: 

“Being a Joy Warrior is not about doing more. It is not so much an effort, but a non-effort. It is a conscious choice to open myself up to Joy. That is it. Really. Trust me.”

I couldn’t agree with her more, she is a wise owl. After I read her post my Note from the Universe arrived in my inbox and told me:

“Hey, Milena, don't you see? The "right" circumstances, people, and opportunities are just like "good" ideas - they come to you fastest, once you relax.”

Serendipity indeed!

Anyway back to my auntie tale- it was also really special to see Summer so avidly engaged in her imaginative play world, talking to her toys, convinced they were alive and talking back, tending to their every need and telling them stories to make them feel happy. It reminded me so much of when I was small, when I too created whole detailed worlds for my own toys for hours and hours on end, they being as real and as special to me as any human could be. It is this passion, this belief in the imagination that makes me truly smile- that inner child needs to play as play is good for you- just ask Summer!

Stillness

I am craving stillness at the moment, which I find most amusing as I have never been good  at being still, not in the slightest! In the past even if I managed to keep my body still my mind remained so noisy, thoughts whizzing around at many miles per hour. There was always one of those horrid inner voices  telling me that I should be using my time properly - not indulging in stillness, asking me what use it could possibly be to do nothing? Yet my intuition is now shouting passionately that stillness is what I need to connect with myself, that there is much to be gained from what I  thought of as nothing and I am beginning to follow that intuitive voice, it talks a lot of sense if I only take the time to listen! I am seeing signs that times are changing for me everywhere, both within myself and in my surroundings:

A couple of years ago I took the Creative Goddess e course, the beginning of my creative rebirth, and as an end piece of artwork I created this:

She is stillness;  she is faith, she is strength, she is medicine. At the time it was all about the creating for me, my pride was in the fact that I had completed my first substantial piece of artwork but as this peaceful, meditative self portrait of me sits leaned against  my bedroom wall day by day I am drawn to her more and more - isn’t it funny how some things gain meaning and focus over time? She tells me I need to sit and breathe, shut out the  noise for just a few minutes, to just be me and that will be enough.

I find myself drawn towards objects symbolising the stillness I want to embody too, I am surrounding myself with them, each one a beautiful reminder:

Meditations have never really appealed to me until now, all of a sudden I crave them and feel so much richer afterwards. Don’t get me wrong,I have to have patience, even force myself  sometimes to sit down and be quiet when that endless to do list threatens to take over yet again, but when I do it is so simple and true.  Have a listen to the beautiful mediations of Liz Lamoreux on her website Be Present Be Here, she has the stunning ability to reach profoundly into my soul. Goddess Leonie’s meditation journeys on fear, sleep and chackra balancing are soothing and invigorating all in one bundle of magical goodness. Who do you listen to?  I would love to know.

My newly discovered passion for yoga is another turning point for me, as I have always admired yoga, always put it on my wish list of things to explore yet never fully reached out to it, knowing that it wasn’t in my personality to connect with such inner stillness. Yet here I am, learning yoga basics twice a week and pulling such strength from it as well as the inkling of an energy source I didn’t know I possessed.  Do tell me if you have any good beginner yoga dvd recommendations- I am on a voyage of discovery:)

For a creature of habit my daily path is broadening and,  although I am as always a frightened rabbit in the headlights of anything new, I am secretly quite enjoying these small but vital moments of magic.

Connection

Hello my lovelies! I know I have been quiet on the blogging front; January was rather a difficult month in many respects, and I simply found myself needing to hibernate, conserve energy and to have a good long think about where I want this creative life to take me this year. Even my word for 2011 has taken this long to emerge, but I am learning patience. Slowly but most surely the word CONNECTION emerged out of the mists of my mind.

CONNECTION for me has many layers. 

*Creativity

In 2010 I dipped  my toes into so many creative projects. I learned to paint, to art journal, to take photographs and unravel,  I played with words, nurtured my blog,  and toyed with the idea of a creative business. This year I want to take all that to a much higher level. I wish to commit myself and thrive. I wish for happiness and success. In order for that to happen I need to be mindful, to connect one hundred percent  with the task at hand. Whilst working my way through Goddess Leonie's gorgeous 2011 planner I was asked what goals I want to achieve this year. The answer came loud and clear that I want to make a creative business happen for myself. 

So I’ve begun to brainstorm

I’ve begun reading the very insightful 

Flying Lessons by Kelly Rae Roberts

And I am committing myself to connecting with this blog much more fully this year. I want to make myself accountable, to write on a weekly basis, to show you more of this wonderful creative journey. As you can hopefully see I can already feel the momentum picking up as I clutch onto that word connection. Watch this space...

*Nurturing relationships.

I am an introvert, I don’t find relationships and friendships easy but those who I hold dear are so very important to me. I wish to connect more intensely with those I love, admire and respect. I want to see more of them, to be more aware of them, to treasure them more mindfully than before. Not only do I want to work on long existing relationships but also to nurture new friendships.  In 2010  I was lucky enough to meet some amazingly creative ladies online and this was such a new, liberating experience for me - I wish to connect more deeply with this rich, powerful, tribe as surrounding myself with like minded creatives has been an inspiration and a revelation. I am reminded time and time again of how short and precious life is, I wish to celebrate the goodness within it. 

*My spiritual self, my soul,  that intuitive goddess within.

I feel a real pull to that Sacred Feminine (as the truly insightful Creating Wings describes it) and I feel really excited by the possibilities. Little altars are appearing everywhere...

To finish with today I would like to share two images with you. You see, I have been learning some photo shop basics with the amazing Kim Klassen; this woman has so much knowledge to share and she is such an amazing teacher. I am not naturally inclined towards the world of technology but the way in which she shares her wisdom is simply magical. I am taking baby steps but am rather proud of my first results ( she types smiling).

Celebration Time

Right now I am feeling more than a little proud of myself, for my entry for the Sketchbook Project is complete and ready to posted to America tomorrow. I have never produced so many paintings in my life and I have certainly never created so much in such a relatively short period of time. In my introduction I wrote:

“This project has been  such an amazing personal journey as I have never attempted anything like this before; not only learning how to use a paintbrush, how to creatively express mindfulness, but also to  understand painting as a ritual.”

Wow, what an adventure this has been :)

Now that I have finished I do feel rather protective of my little book, I am more than a little frightened of sending it off into the big wide world. However, the thought of at least one person opening my book and enjoying the art I have created with such love, such passion, is good enough for me. 

Here are my last pages ( she writes with a big smile on her face):