Saturday, 29 October 2011


My  intention for Dreamchair Adventures has always been  to reach for the many positives in my life and to share these with other kindred spirits. However, I am slowly but surely coming to the realisation that in order to put my whole self, my truth, out there, there also have to be moments of vulnerability. Hopefully this is not going to develop into a moaning post, where I pass on my misery to the world, but I do want you to see the whole me, warts and all. Thus, I shall put my brave hat on and continue typing away, building up the courage to hit the publish button at the end.
It has been one of those weeks when I have been able to  physically feel how tense and anxious I am. I am full of knots and twisted edges, of forced, strained movements.  Whilst there are  current events making my week far from stunning, there are also those underlying factors that periodically rise to the surface, and which I must work through time and time again:

Autumn is my favourite time of year, it is when I am at my most creative, my most productive. The crisp air and glorious colours make me feel so alive, so connected to my world. However, it is also the season when my physical self begins to drop, to struggle, to have to face battle to begin each day. I am often so very tired that I feel fully depleted, with nothing left. Thus I am  full to the brim with frustration. Add to this mixture  those negative gremlins, whispering so persuasively into my ear as I contemplate putting my art out into the world as motivation cards and you have an uncertain and most self critical me.
My anxiety levels are also stupidly high. Anxiety about what others think of me mixed with a heavy dose of anxious responsibility for the people in my life. To me there seem to be many cutting remarks and words said in the heat of the moment. People don’t seem to consider other people’s feelings as much as they used to, it is a harsher world I live in. As well as this I have been reminded this week how precious life is, and how very quickly it can change. Just like that. What you imagine to last forever, or do not expect to happen, has a habit of changing the goal posts. Of course we all know this piece of wisdom but reminders leave me feeling frightened, questioning everything. I think too much. I am not good at change. And as part of this week’s events I realise that the momentum of my fear of death and loss is building;I know that there is much work to be done there. I’ve never admitted I have this fear but releasing the words feels right at this moment in time somehow.
Staying with the idea of this harsher world I find myself in, and attempting to end this post on a positive note,  I do like to think that I am a warrior in the battle for good. I fight for that magical element, for a world filled with beauty, a world  full of  kindness and heart and dare I say happiness. As you can imagine  I am not very good at watching the news! I do think the world needs people who believe in this better world,  to keep the balance in tact; stopping the negativity and inhumanity from possessing it completely.  

Sometimes life is hard and I feel vulnerable. What do you do when those vulnerable moments hit with force?


  1. what a beautiful piece ,,, it made me smile and cry at the same time. Life is very precious and for grabbing and living to the full. Battle with those dark thoughts, the anxiety and the deep dark places and try to cast them aside. Noone knows what is round the corner and that is a good job. But one thing i know is for certain and something that my Dad told me - no matter what the sun will still shine and the world will still turn and this is very very true. Big hug and remember what a beautiful person you are, talented, kind and an amazing strong person. Be strong sweetie show the world what an amazing person you xxxxx

  2. your vulnerability
    is so, so very
    beautiful. xox

  3. Your photos always have a magical quality that is all your own, Milena. I think you have a caring spirit and sometimes that makes people more vulnerable. I think I have a caring spirit, too, but since I'm old, I have less investment in what other's think of me. There is a freedom in that. To worry about death is paralyzing - I've been there but now not so much. We have no control, of course, but sometimes that's hard to accept.

  4. Really lovely. Thanks for taking the risk to share your vulnerablities. I find it hard to do that online here as well.

  5. You are far braver than you think, Milena (so brave to put this post out there). And your photography is getting to be truly wonderful! We all move in and out of the shadows as we journey along...but I think you'll wind up in a very sunny place. xx