I am...

Lis’s weekly reflections seem to work in unison with my thought processes. Who am I? is a question currently very close to my heart. Some of the statements below I believe, others I am writing to make them true. I have been thinking really intensely about rewriting the stories that form my life, in order to give them more positive,more dynamic endings and thus, the following simple statements are part of this quest:

Who am I?

I am a creative explorer, a magpie collecting sparkling tools for her nest.

I am an observer, noting detail, seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary.

I am a teacher, infusing others with spirit and knowledge.

I am a warm hearted giver, sharing my heart and soul without limits.

I am a peace seeker, welcoming calm and forgiveness into the fibres of my being.

I am a listener, soaking up stories deep within.

I am an energy discoverer, glowing, singing, dancing with the wind.

I am a questioner, always hungry to learn and understand.

I am a writer, pouring out words to make sense of my world.

I am a truth speaker, unearthing my voice, giving it light.

I am a supporter, I am roots, I am a rock.

I am a nature lover, fiercely protective, a part of an awe inspiring web.

I am a business adventurer, offering a unique service to the world.

I am a nourisher, my ingredients rich and seasoned with love.

I am a labourer, putting every ounce of my being into this lifetime.

I am a work in progress.

I am this life.

The last sentence links in with a piece of art I created at the weekend. I explored what I imagine my inner sage/wise woman would look :

She is confident with a powerful lion's mane, the colour of nature is evident in her wings. The triquetra embellished on her wings is a symbol of wisdom of the stages of life as well as the connection of mind, body and spirit. She has stars in her hair for she knows that she aims for them in everything she does, they also stand for the sparkle of imagination. The moon and sun on her cheeks remind her that she is a valuable part of a greater picture. She wears a heart as love is her core and she has her arms stretched wide to welcome and nurture. I found the quote in Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller (http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com), which I strongly recommend reading, as she is one of the wisest women I have come across.

Growth

This week Lis asks:

Organic growth - what would that look like for you?

The older I become the more interested I become in nurturing myself. The more I nurture the artist, photographer and writer inside, the longer and more complex the adventures seems to become. I used to simply see an end product that I would plow into full steam ahead, sometimes this would work if I was lucky, but other times I would find myself lacking, the end result feeling forced and certainly not as rich nor as wonderful as I imagined it to be. I expected it all to appear like that magic beanstalk!

When it comes to myself I am by nature an impatient person, always wanting everything done instantly and indeed perfectly. I have such high expectations of myself, that I think I should have all those tools I need to instantly create that amazing piece of artwork, to take the stunning shot that leaves others in awe, to write that book/poem/essay that will be treasured for years to come. I am learning that I am human, that whilst creativity comes naturally to me, I have to take the time to gather the tools I need to express myself. Like a mantra I need to repeat to myself that talents needs time and energy to grow and that this also involves being wholly committed and managing to be mindful in my learning process. I am creating a small vegetable patch for the first time this year, and those tiny seeds that I started with are teaching me exactly this lesson. I didn’t know what I was doing at first, I had to research and construct something which dovetailed with my daily life and my needs. It is a work in progress and I have to keep adding to my knowledge. I make mistakes and not everything is as successful as I would wish, but I am creating something slowly, mindfully, I am nurturing a skill to enrich my life and creating something which deeply reflects a part of myself.

The funny thing is that with others, and certainly with the children I teach, I consider myself in having that ability to nurture; I give them time, patience, safety to grow; I infuse them with the knowledge and skills they need to blossom. I never expect perfection, only to tease out the best the child has within them and to support them wholeheartedly in their adventures into adulthood.

On my creative journey I often compare myself to the amazing work and skills of others. I then sometimes feel unworthy, my own efforts lacking in comparison. That inner critic steps in and whispers that maybe I shouldn’t try at all as it will never be as beautiful/interesting/inspiring as the work of those I admire so greatly. This leads to then asking myself if I am charlatan. I am learning to listen to this voice in a different light. Having taken several creative e courses in the last months I can see a shift in my perspective at times; I am beginning to see that by gathering the work and knowledge of others I can inspire my own, magical creative process. Collecting the beauty and wisdom of others has such an important purpose - to help me find that unique style within myself, for each artist/writer is indeed unique. What I have inside is deep, personal and part of me, what I have to offer is unique. By exploring the work of others I am exploring my own creativity, nurturing it, learning to express myself. This exploration is a long, sometimes frustrating, sometimes heavenly journey. The riches lie in this adventure and not always in the result that I push myself so hard for. I must grasp that intention to nurture, which I apply in my teaching role, to now teach that creative goddess within.

“Life is a journey, not a destination.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dandelions

As my grandmother knows of my love for gardening, she recently sent me a rather wonderful piece of poetry with a dandelion as its subject ( it is by Helmut Herberg and called Psalm einer Pusteblume). I am only going to summarize its main points, as the original is in German and I really wanted to finish this post today. I had never considered how many lessons we can learn from this humble yet amazing flower.

The poem begins with a listing of all the characteristics a dandelion doesn’t have: It doesn’t have the delicate scent of the rose, nor does it bear fruit. It isn’t beautiful, therefore it isn’t used in bouquets, isn’t admired and given pride of place in florists, isn’t used as a muse in poetry, isn’t used in a romantic love song. Instead it is classified as a weed, it isn’t protected and indeed is sought out to be removed. However, we should think twice because:

A dandelion is not ashamed of itself and doesn’t feel insignificant just because others cannot see its true beauty straight away.

A dandelion doesn’t let itself be fenced in nor controlled, indeed it is able to live everywhere, as itself, speaking its own truth. It is therefore never short of a real home.

A dandelion is loved and acknowledged by children, they love to blow it seeds on further adventures.

A dandelion searches for closeness, to children and to animals, it never feels lonely and unwanted.

A dandelion is, if you look closely, a tiny sun, full of light, colour and warmth.

A dandelion nourishes freely, giving to all creatures who seek it, it never discriminates.

A dandelion heals, its humble nature holds such medicine inside.

A dandelion has strong roots, it isn’t easily removed for its roots run deep.

A dandelion has such a strong connection to nature, it doesn’t survive in artificial circumstances but thrives on the four elements.

A dandelion welcomes change, it undergoes such awe inspiring transformation. It can let go of the past as well as the present. It doesn't’ resist, instead it welcomes its new life.

A dandelion has patience, it undergoes transformation slowly, guided by the sun, showing such trust.

A dandelion welcomes the wind, even though it is a wind of change and uncertainty. A dandelion therefore has faith in the good.

And so, a dandelion is a symbol of such happiness if we only look closely and take the time to ponder.

Art Saves

I have the most wonderful blogger friend called Lis, though we have never met I do consider her to be a kindred spirit, for when she writes, paints or takes photographs it is like she is speaking for my soul also. Every week she poses a weekly reflection question for herself and I have been meaning to join her since the beginning of the year. Whilst I silently reflect each week, reading her thoughtful, intelligent insights,this week I am going to put myself out there and join in.

This week’s question is more of a statement:

Art Saves.

For me this statement is true on so many levels so here is what creativity means to me:

Childhood Creativity

In my childhood art was something, which I felt so intrinsically belonged to me that I could escape into it during the tough times and show my joy in the good times; when I was in my art zone I felt really good about myself, safe, bright and full of colour. I remember drawing happily for hours on end whilst visiting my grandparents, creating lively happy pieces, reflecting the joyful me. This creativity was completely nurtured by my aunt, who took me to my many requested museums, showed me art colonies and bought me that first vital art book on Renoir, which I poured over hours on end, stunned by the light and sheer beauty. The art of others has always fed my imagination as far back as I remember, even the small me dreamt, was inspired to aim high, aspired to be the most creative human being I could be through the art that I saw.On the flip side I also remember retreating with my creative tools to escape not so great times back at home, where art gave me my wings to fly away, to imagine myself in a better place. I only wish I had kept some of my early creations, as that child needed her art to be seen.

Although I really wanted to blend in with my peers as an overweight, intelligent child in an inner city primary school, when it came to art it felt good to be me and I liked people to see my creations. Art allowed me, the introvert teenager, to express myself even further. When in doubt there was a pencil and sketch pad in my hand. I wasn’t very sure of myself as a teenager; I was the listener, the people watcher (even more so than I am now) but when I was creating I felt I had a voice; being creative was the time when I was willing to put myself out there, when I took the risk to want to be understood.

Adult Creativity

As an adult art has given me the gift of being able to see the beauty in the world and to be a part of that beauty. As well as this it has given me the opportunity tosee/understand other human beings’ perspectives on life. It is so important to see and feel the beauty in life, on a larger scale but also in the every day small moments, for I believe we are in danger, through the daily media, of only digesting the troubles of the world, of being swallowed by the darker side of human nature as well being led to ignore the magnificence of the natural world around us. For me art is beauty, light, colour, texture, mother nature, the every day moments of creative, of love: art is a way to connect to the world and to live life to its full potential. Be it looking through a lens of a camera or swirling paint on a page, art has taught me to celebrate. When I look at someone else’s creative interpretation it opens whole new worlds of thought processes and delights in my mind; this makes me grow as a person,; I am able to see the magical diversity of the world and also to feel united with my fellow creators. Through digesting the art of others I can try to understand them also and isn’t understanding a concept that should be nurtured in this modern world?

Also when I am being the artist within, it is a way of understanding myself, getting to know myself, a time to spend precious time with myself. Art can be something deeply personal, and I think that if we can understand and like ourselves we can serve our families, our friends and our communities so much more.

Art has been my adventure as an adult. When I create now, I create to celebrate myself and the world. Through my art I wish to be understood, through the creativity of others I wish to understand.

29 Gifts

Today I am beginning my 29 Day Giving Challenge. I stumbled upon this remarkable project by pure chance, although I am inclined to see it as fate playing her hand, as this challenge is just what I need right now.

The project was created by the inspiring Cami Walker after she had been suffering a particularly serious episode of multiple sclerosis. At the end of her tether, both physically and mentally, she visited her friend and healer Mbali, who gave her the challenge to give something away mindfully, each day for 29 days, in order to take the focus off Cami’s suffering and the scarcity she felt in her life and instead to turn this energy into a rich, positive force, celebrating all that was alive and kicking in Cami. By giving, Mbali believed, Cami would be inviting more abundance into her own life as well as enriching the lives of others, turning her from isolation to being a part of the greater whole. The effects of giving that Cami experienced for herself as well as the small wonders she created for others were so very wonderful. To read some of the lovely giving stories I highly recommend her book 29 Gifts. How A Month Of Giving Can Change Your Life. There were so many times when I felt myself nodding as I identified with the messages Cami learned on her journey and which she wishes to share with the world now.

At first I did ask myself whether this challenge was for me, as I consider myself by nature to be a giving person, but the idea here is to give those gifts mindfully, to experience the intention of doing something totally selfless for others. Cami writes of the types of giving to be weary of, which really opened my eyes. Giving out of obligation, out of expectation or with the intention of receiving in return doesn’t work, as it leaves you feeling burnt out and even wrestling with resentment; this is a lesson to be learned indeed! Giving, for Cami, was also a reconnection with her true self, the self which wasn’t defined by her illness and the limitations she felt this had placed on her life. I find myself on such a journey of discovering the me that I am and who I wish to be that I loved very much the idea of giving as part of my discovery. Most wonderful of all was that Cami, through the process of giving to others, not only blossomed inwardly and outwardly but learned to accept gifts given to her also. Whilst I love giving I find it much harder to receive, not necessarily physical gifts given at special times but the everyday gifts such as compliments, a friend’s insistence on paying for lunch, a dinner made by my husband... and hardest of all to accept are the offers of help when I feel depleted of energy. I often feel that if I accept these offers I am showing weakness, for I set such high expectations of myself. I have this unrealistic perception that I should always be in control, to be all singing, all dancing, all of the time! Yet by reading Cami’s story I have realised that this too is a valuable lesson and that accepting gifts is indeed a strength to be valued.

My Giving Diary arrived from the 29 Gifts website a few days ago so I am set to begin with an open heart, I wonder what will happen today...

If you are intrigued and wish to find out more here is the address:

http://www.29gifts.org

Happy giving!

Busy being creative...

I am ashamed to admit to myself how long it has been since my last blog post! I am in the middle of lots and lots of projects so will soon have some work to share with you:) In the mean time here is a photo I took this morning; may your day be magical...

Birds

My latest piece of doodling! I started with the idea that I wanted to draw a bird as I have never attempted this before and ended up with an entire rainbow of them! The text is an old chinese proverb, which I love very much.